"A butterfly lights beside us, like a sunbeam and for a brief moment it's glory and beauty belong to our world but then it flies on again, and although we wish it could have stayed, we are so thankful to have seen it at all."
I very well understand that this makes me look like I'm turning 74, not 24 but antique stores are my favorite places to shop ever. The fact that there is a street fair on my actual birthday is the best birthday present Pomona could ever give me.
Remember when you were a kid and your parent's parents or family were coming into town and your mom insisted on cleaning obsessively? I HATED that. I never understood, and I definitely did not enjoy being forced to help clean every nook and cranny of the house.
Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I found myself madly cleaning my already clean apartment in anticipation of my family coming over for lunch tomorrow. Will they really look inside my shower to see if it has been scrubbed recently? Will they notice that I rinsed out the trash can or that I dusted off every owl in my entertainment center, steam cleaned my carpet and washed my duvet cover? Probably not. It's semi-scary when you realize you are becoming your parents...
I have had a lingering migraine for the last three days and when I woke up this morning it had progressed to being the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. So, my lovely boyfriend hunted down an urgent care and drove me there. Of course, upon arrival I was informed that my insurance isn’t accepted until after 4pm so I needed to go to St. Joe’s ER. I did. I almost immediately got in a room and after just a little bit the PA came in to examine me. He was not very good with his bedside manner and essentially made me feel like I was to blame for my horrible migraine. He then said that the medicine Reglan is very effective for the treatment of severe migraines but that it can cause you to feel like you are going to “crawl out of your skin” so to ward off this side effect he was also going to give me Benadryl. Using Reglan for migraines is news to me but I agreed and the nurse came in, started my IV and administered the Reglan then the Benadryl.
Less than two minutes later an employee came in to gather my insurance information. During this I started to feel like my extremities were extremely heavy and like I was going in and out of consciousness and I started feeling confused (I couldn't even verbalize where my health insurance card was in my wallet.) After about a minute I started to feel like I was having difficulty breathing and that’s when the full blown anxiety attack hit me. I was screaming and crying and making the biggest scene but it was all out of my control. In my head I knew I could breath and I kept telling myself that it was going to pass but all I could say was “I can’t breath,” “I shouldn’t have done this,” “I need to pee,” “someone please make this stop” and “this is not right.” The only person who even tried to calm me down was my amazing boyfriend. Everyone else just stared. Luckily this horrible feeling ceased after about 5 minutes when the Benadryl kicked in. Then all I heard was the PA mocking me saying “ohhh someone stop this, I need help” and explaining to the nurse that he should have given the Benadryl and THEN the Reglan so that the Benadryl would have kicked in first. I also heard them talking about how I shouldn’t have been warned about the side effects because I then brought them on myself. Way to make me feel like my concerns and experience were miniscule. Everything was so real to me, I really felt like I had difficulty breathing. I really was scared to fall asleep because I was afraid I would stop breathing. It was all real to me. It was all because I was given IV Reglan. It doesn’t help that I weigh less than 100 pounds and was given an adult dose when I probably would have benefitted from a pediatric based dose. Yes, my migraine is gone so at least that is nice but now I’m left with a fear of ever taking IV medication again. I slept for 6 hours and still don’t feel quite right. And no Mr. PA, I did not bring on the anxiety attack myself because you warned me about it. I did not make it up in my head. 1 in 1000 people have this reaction. It is very real. I will never take Reglan again.
Another important piece of information is that even one dose of Reglan (IV or by mouth) can cause irreversible, life-time side effects called tardive dyskinesia. One dose. Look it up. Be informed. Make sure that the benefits out-weigh the risks before letting yourself or a loved-one receive this medication
P.S. My migraine was resolved thanks to the medication. If I went back, I never would have said yes to this treatment.
A few weeks ago I was taking care of a 7 month old diagnosed with a terminal illness. It was one of those work days where a majority of the discussion with the parents is regarding where they want their daughter to die, at home or in the hospital and how we can make those arrangements so she is as comfortable as possible. Overall, it was a sad day. I never enjoy being a part of these decisions because what it all boils down to is that this family is at the point where they are realizing that their daughter, their flesh and blood, the love of their lives is going to pass away far before the time any parent ever imagines.
Part of my family-centered care involves me making sure that the families of my patients eat and drink throughout the day because often times it is hard to remember to take care of your basic needs when you are consumed with the illness of your child. As I left the room after suctioning, changing the diaper and playing with their daughter I asked "Is there anything I can bring in for you? Juice, crackers, oreos?" The mother just looked up and with a weak smile asked for cranberry juice. All she wanted was a box or two of juice. Of course, the PICU's nutrition room had every juice but cranberry. So, I simply walked down the hall to the CVICU and grabbed 2 boxes from their fridge. I walked back down the hall and handed them to my patient's mother, glad that she would at least stay hydrated that day.
As I exited the room, the CVICU's unit assistant immedietly and harshly asked me if I just took 2 boxes of juice from her unit. To which I bluntly replied "I sure did just take 2 boxes of cranberry juice and gave them to my family." She then thouroughly explained that those boxes of juice would be charged to the CVICU and not the PICU and that if I needed juice then I need to have our fridge restocked. She literally talked for 3-4 minutes, right outside my patient's room, about how I shouldn't be using another unit's juice. I looked at her, smiled and said I'd be more than glad to replace her juice but that I would not remove them from the room. She turned around and walked away.
I looked in to how much these juices cost. Fifteen cents is the answer. So 15 times 2 equals 30. Thirty cents. Thirty cents worth of cranberry juice and I am getting reprimended. Why? The answer is simple. Budget. Economy. Crisis. It is affecting everyone, everywhere . It is to the point where I apparently can not borrow from a neighbor. It is to the point where I can not walk down a hall and use another unit's 30 cents in order to meet a devastated mother's simple request. I am sorry, but I refuse to let this go further. I will not put budget before my patients and their families. I am being pushed and pulled and punished by people who sit and crunch numbers and then dictate my patient care based on the areas that come up red. Healthcare is a nasty industry to work in right now. Everyday as I go into work I remind myself that I take care of critically ill children and I pray that I never let anything come before them. Not a CEO, not a budget crisis, not a fridge missing cranberry juice. These are just signs of the times that I hope dissapear down the road.
Friday afternoons with my niece and nephew are awesome. Even when I go to Micheal's to get us crafts to do and they lose interest in under 5 minutes. At least they're entertained by photobooth. They obviously take after me.
I don't think it will ever become easy to find out that someone you know passed away.
I spent four years of hell-ish college with Jen. We took pre-requistes together and suffered through three years of nursing school together. I showed up at her house with my fake boobs for my maternal-newborn presentation... all I had on was the fake boobs and shorts. Jen graduated with a double major in psyhcology and nursing. She moved to Florida after graduating with her Bachelors and was working on her phD in psychology. I studied with her, nearly got kicked out of nursing school with her (false plagarism accusation) and burned my nursing uniforms with her when we were done with college. This weekend Jen took her own life. My heart goes out to her family and friends.
Just finished making vegan cupcakes for Los' 23rd birthday tomorrow. They're cooling and I'll frost them tomorrow.
Now I'm going to get in my pjs, watch The Little Mermaid while cuddling with Bruiser and Hank.
Then I'm going to read some.... Twilight. Yah, I'm trying really hard to read the series. I am so mad at nursing school. Before college I could read a book in a day or two if I wanted. I LOVED reading. Now, after being forced to read 100s of pages a week of nursing text I find myself unable to read for fun. I have no ability to concentrate, soooo frustrating.
Have I ever mentioned how wonderful my little sister is?
Been having weird/bad dreams again. When Ryan leaves for Europe I am so making my dream catcher finally. I need a new one, my current one clearly has bad juju. I'm going camping tomorrow and I can not wait. Even if it rains, it's gonna be a great time. Now I just need to figure out what to do with Bruiser while I'm gone. Dogs can be such a hassle haha.
So, facedown fest was pretty awesome this year. I got there around 830 each night, but I saw all the bands I wanted to see. And each night I got a nice back massage after. I needed them because I am an old woman and my shoulders and back kill after shows. I was especially beat Saturday when I had already worked 12 1/2 hours that day.
I am going to a funeral this afternoon for a patient of mine that passed away. This will be the first of many patient funerals I am guaranteed to attend in my career. It's been really depressing around work since Friday February 13th. I mean there are good days, don't get me wrong. But all in all we've been losing a lot of kids and it's super sad. 3
I can not even describe how excited I am to get out into the woods and turn off my phone, hike, cook food over the fire and possibly fight some mountain lions.
So I am in Colorado and waiting for a huge snowstorm to hit. It's supposed to be the biggest one of the year. I am so excited. This vacation has been amazing. Here is a summary of my days here so far:
Saturday: Fly in, eat lunch with my cousin Kati and her friends in the city and spend time with my uncle and aunt. Bake a ton of snickerdoodles and chocolate chip cookies for my poor touring friends.
Sunday: In the city all day with the Kati. We parked next to an awesome "adult arcade." The mannequin in the display was a female with a stache and a stogie. My dream lady. Ryan and the rest of bleeding through made it safely to Denver so I got to hang out with him a bunch and he gave me vintage Star Wars sheets from '79. He is rising to the top of my favorite people list. We ate at the first Chipotle ever so I can check that off of my list of things to do before I die. Wandered around the city, watched tv on the bus and watched Doom and BT play. Such a fun night. Sad to say goodbye to them, but alas, they will be home Saturday.
Monday: Stayed in Boulder, my cousin's college town. I had breakfast at a beautiful Tibetan tea house then we went on a windy cold hike. After that we made a last minute trip to Goldenkey ski resort where I saw tons of snow. We went over a really scary pass that had so much snow falling that there were points where you couldn't see past the windshield. Thank Jeezy Kati is an expert snow driver. That night we watched a documentary called Haze about a boy that died of alcohol poisoning during a frat hazing at CU. It made me really sad, just another reason I don't drink.
Tuesday: Woke up late and walked all around Pearl street in Boulder. There are a ton of cool stores on the street and I furthered my new hot tea addiction. Suprisingly my only purchase on that trip was a pack of different styled stick on staches. Then we ate at Noodles. We both got pesto that was laced with weed, I'm almost positive. I felt so sick and basically like I was high after eating there. Miserable. Then we went to an acoustic show where guys from The Academy Is and The Providence played. It was quite enjoyable even though my heart threw a fit and I got violently dizzy at a point.
Wednesday: Today I woke up super late and went to the mall with my aunt and uncle. I got an amazing jacket that I plan on lining with the Star wars fitted sheet that Ryan gave to me. Gonna be my favorite jacket. Now I am laying in bed feeling ill again and waiting for snow. And a chipotle lime crusted tilapia is currently being cooked for me by my wonderful uncle.
Okay this entry was super long. But I figure I can look back on it when I'm old and remember my trip... If I can remember my user name and password haha.
Today was a success for the most part. Woke up, did some laundry and took Bruiser for a walk. Then my mom and dad came out from Corona to eat at Whole Foods with me. My dad is a huge fan of all the organic, vegan and vegetarian food options I have available near my apartment. I had a yummy vegan curry chicken sangwich. It really hit the spot. I then hunted down supplies for making my own dream catcher even though I won't have time to make it for weeks. The rest of the day I spent do all the little things you have to do before vacation. Pretty sure I overpacked for my Colorado trip but oh well. Saturday morning I'll be in Denver!!! Had a sad conversation with someone I love dearly, now I have a headache and puffy eyes from crying. I put in eyedrops, took some ibuprofen and downed a bunch of water to try and reverse that. As for now, I'm going to watch Best in Show, sleep and work tomorrow. Is it wrong that I want to be called off the day before I leave for vacation??
Okay so here it is. My first blog since I was probably about 16. Is it sad that I'm kind of excited? I am going to have to do some major lurking to find people to add to my blog.... if you can even do that. I'm really not that internet savvy but I know I can figure it out. I think I might make it a goal to update this pretty little baby twice a week.