Anxiously waiting

It's growing up season

Never in my life have I been surrounded by so many friends that are becoming what I like to call real life adults. Every month I'm getting news that someone is: getting hitched, graduating from college or having a baby. Here's the recent list:

Sam and Alexis are my two best friends from nursing school and they are both pregnant. Sam and her husband are having a girl, Madison Rose, in August and Alexis and her hubby just found out she is having a boy (I guessed it!), Andinn Ryder, in November. Both are having their babies within days of their own birthdays!

(Sam, myself, Alexis)

My sister graduated college 2 weeks ago with her BA. Let me digress by stating that this has been a long hard road for her. She went straight to college after high school, stopped going, became pregnant, got married, started over at community college, got laid off of her job at 8 months pregnant, had Cathryn, later had Houston, later got divorced, has learned how to raise my niece and nephew separate from their dad and all the while pursued her education. The pride I have in my sister is far greater than the pride I have in myself for completing my degree and starting my career, I did not meet and overcome ANY of the challenges she did. Sister love.

(Middle, big, little)

My best friend at work (my bfaw) Shannon is getting married on October 24th to her fiancee Josh. I got this news while I was in the UK but now it's becoming so much closer and so much more exciting. It seems like just yesterday we were sitting at work wondering out loud to each other why neither of us had boyfriends, because we're obviously too awesome to be single. Now she's booking photographers and stressing over not being able to find a dj! The joys of planning a wedding! SO excited for their wedding.


Another very good friend from nursing school, who was a quarter behind me is my friend Scotty. He and his wife Devin got hitched last May. I recently bought a Wii from them. Yesterday Scotty dropped off the Wii Fit board for me at work, oh and he told me that they are pregnant!!! I made SUCH a scene outside of work. They are going to be such great parents, and their kid (or maybe kidS, what if its twins?!?!) is going to be way cute.

(Scott and I...excuse my face)

This isn't even including all the other girls at work who are pregnant, engaged, just had babies, etc. Come on, who's next?!


Love is greater

Today so far has been a big reminder of what a great relationship I am. Ryan makes me feel so appreciated and respected every single day. He never questions why work sometimes has to come first (even when I cut weekend nights short because I have work the next day.) He loves how hard I work and is so understanding when I have rough day. There have been multiple times where we had plans of some sort after work and my patient ends up passing away that day. On these days I am usually exhausted to the point that all I can do is walk Bruiser and then melt into my bed when I get home, fall asleep by 830pm, wake up crying from rough dreams about my day and then be useless the next day. He never complains that our plans change or that I just need a day to recover, he just stays by my side. He is never obsessed with wanting to hear about what happened or how the child died, he lays by me in silence and listens quietly when I feel like talking. 

He makes fun of me for loving running and working out but he loves that I care about myself enough to want to take care of my body. My family loves him and misses him when he is gone. My niece and nephew are constantly putting rub on tattoos on their arms, legs and hands because they want to be like him. Every time Houston wears flannel he says that he is Ryan. He is going to be one amazing father someday and that's probably because he has an amazing family. I mean, who doesn't love Mombacher? He has shown me what it means to love and respect one another in a relationship, the meaning of patience and kindness. All of these things completely lacked in any other relationship I have been in. 

(In Glasgow, Scotland)

This was originally going to be a rant post, but I decided to go another direction with it because who needs to read about a bunch of negativity, frustration and anger?

Love > any other emotion


Why not be utterly changed into fire?

I could go on all day and night and probably another day about how much I appreciate the band mewithoutYou. This is a band I HATED the first time I ever listened to them. Luckily my friend that introduced me to their first full length album [A-->B] Life encouraged me to go home and listen through it while reading the lyrics. My life was changed. 

Lyrically, I do not think anyone could ever surpass the intelligence, meaning, passion and even mystery in every word of every song. Words so beautiful that songs I've been listening to for six or so years still bring tears to my eyes and make my heart sky high. Aaron speaks and writes from his heart, he is genuinely brilliant.

Another little thing I love about them is that when they play live they play from every album. So many bands play one or two 'old' songs and everything else is from their newest release in promotion of just that. MewithoutYou seems to play their sets with the recognition that to many fans, each cd is as equally loved as the one before and after. They take you through their history during every set and everyone in the room walks away so satisfied. 

Lets just say, bands like this are the reason I love music as much as I do. I'll leave you with this lyrics from the song Silencer on [A-->B] Life

Don't waste your lips on words I've heard before
Kiss my tired head.
And each letter written wastes your hand, young man
Come and lead me to your bed
You gave me hope that I'd not lost her
And then thought it rather strange to see me smile-
as I don't do too much smiling these days.

She put on happiness like a loose dress
Over pain I'll never know
"So the peace you had," she says,
"I must confess, I'm glad to see it go."
We're two white roses lying frozen just outside his door
I've made you so happy and so sad,
But which should I be more sorry for?

Come kiss my face goodbye,
that space below my eye and above my cheek
Cause I'm faint and fading fast, I see a darkness
And I shall be released.
I'll pass like a fever from this body,
And softly slip into his hands
I tried to love you and I failed,
But I have another plan.

My Lord, how long to sing this song?
And my Lord, how much more of this pretending to be strong?
When she stands before your throne
Dressed in beauty not her own
All soft and small, you'll hear her call
"you brought me here, now take me home."


The slow transformation

Sounds like I have something really deep to blog about, eh? No, no. It is about my transformation into a chipmunk face.

Yesterday morning I had all four impacted wisdom teeth removed. I had a really good experience, much to my surprise. They started me off with nitrous oxide (laughing gas) I only lasted about 5 minutes with it before I started to feel extremely anxious. I haven't had any sort of alcohol in years and have never taken any sort of pain medicine beyond Tylenol/ibuprofen. SO, when I started to get the loopy, out of body, out control, trouble talking feeling I started to become anxious. I asked them to turn it off, they did and I immediately felt a thousand times better. Next the oral surgeon came in, I asked him what sedation they use (he figured out at that point that I work in the medical field) and he explained that he uses versed, fentanyl, propofol and sometimes valium. All medicines I use on a near daily basis for my patient's when we do procedures in the room. Totally comfortable, totally calm. He then attempted my IV, took 3 tries but I didn't mind.  I think they are used to doing that after the patient is passed out from the Nitrous, so with me being awake and a nurse he was nervous. Then he gave me versed and I was off to la la land. I woke up once during the procedure but I didn't feel anything and just went back to sleep.  Next thing I remember is walking to my apartment. Ryan is sad that I didn't let him tape me waking up. (I was afraid I'd be a crier or a fighter, turned out I was a comedian) I don't remember but he says I: was impressed with every painting and tool, proposed to him but got upset because I couldn't do it properly by getting down on one knee, stared at my tongue a lot, forced him to "feel" how numb my chin felt, was extremely thankful for my packing gauze and was all around smiley. Fun times. I had an easy first day. Took a total of 3 half tabs of vicodin but have mainly been relying on ice packs and extra strength ibuprofen.

My mom came out with potato soup, made home made lentil soup while she was here, cleaned my kitchen, bathrooom, took out my trash and walked Bruiser multiple times. I love my mom.

Now today, the swelling starts. Chipmunk status here I come! P.S. You can see below my lips the abrasions from whatever they used to hold my mouth open. Wasn't expecting that.