When someone single handedly ruins an entire band for you (ahem "Band of Horses"), you want to call them in the wee hours of their morning and thank them. Not in a genuine kind of way but more in the vein of "I'm saying thank you but it sounds more like screw you" kind of way. Because I believe in living life with no regrets and I feel that someone should know if they've ruined an entire band which you used to sing along to at the top of your lungs.

I mean, I didn't ask you to come out of our room unsolicited and tell me that this was the song we were going to dance to at our wedding. And I certainly didn't ask you to come home three, maybe four weeks later and tell me that I no longer had a place in what turns out to be your tiny world. Now I'm stuck with two albums that I downloaded from iTunes that I can't return. That's like $19.98 worth of mp3s which would buy 2-3 weeks worth of food for me here in India so this is some serious shit. I checked their whole "terms and agreements" and it took me awhile to get through it but what I gleaned from that doozy of a contractual agreement is that iTunes won't hand out refunds just because some dude you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with spews weightless garble from his bearded face. Now I can't even type out the words "Band of Horses" without wanting to sign on to Skype and wake you up half way around the world in the hopes of making you PayPal me back that $19.98.

So, I'm left here developing what is known as the three pillars of my future life which decidedly excludes wasting any time on pursuing inter-sex relationships. It's not because I'm bitter (right?) but it's more because I don't think it's fair to "Band of Horses" that I'm running over their albums with tractors in my mind of minds. They don't deserve that- no one does. Except for maybe Shaquille O'Neal because, honestly, what was he thinking when he decided to release "The Best of Shaquille O'Neal" back in '96. Don't think I forgot about that just because I was eleven at the time Shaq. Stick to what you're good at.

I digress. The real point is that the Skype icon is beckoning me; it begs me to seek redemption in honor of all music ruined in the wake of plans laid to rest. I can't do that though, because I'm non-confrontational by nature. Never mind the fact that I don't want to waste precious Skype minutes that could otherwise be used yelling "I think my internet connection is too slow!" at the people I love. 


  1. i hate it when people ruin bands for you. it took years until I could listen to certain bands, and even now I sometimes get funny twinges in my tummy when I hear them.

    It is both wonderful, and painful how much we connect music to people (and you have some big ole reasons to connect!). Sounds like you're having a bit of a tough time :( Hope you feel better soon.

    I STILL haven't written to you. I am the worst non-penpal ever! always full of good intentions.... sorry x

  2. I actually really truly love this post and I love the way you wrote it, but I'm sorry for the meaning behind it. I HATE when songs and bands are ruined for me too, and I think it's worst when someone you love does that to you. Find your revenge! You deserve at least a little bit of it!

  3. Ok I love this.... Obviously not in a way that I'm glad you have to deal with that but I love that you wrote this and how you wrote it. Xo

  4. Send him a turd in the mail, fucker.