Yesterday I finally got to meet the twins my cousin adopted from Ghana and hear the incredibly beautiful story of bringing their family together. It was about five years ago that she, her husband and their three children realized that there were twins half way across the world waiting to be the final stitch in their family. After two years, they travelled together to finally bring them home and become complete. I would love to share with you the whole story but that is theirs, and it is so so special that I wouldn't want to mess up on any of the details.

As we talked about the first time they got to meet the twins in person, my cousin described the feeling of hugging her daughter for the first time. She can recall every sense experience that was engaged in that moment and it is something she will carry with her forever. Tears streamed down my face as I recalled so vividly having that experience the first time I held Asbanu in my arms, a hug that changed my life. Her scent as she nestled deep into my shoulder, the feeling of the her cotton dress that was pilling from age. Her thin arms and legs wrapped around me, how light she was and easy to pick up despite her age. I remember the feel of her hair, dry and brittle from malnutrition and how dirty the shampoo became as I scrubbed it for the first time. How surprised her bright eyes were when she realized I was going to wash her feet myself and how rough her little feet were in my hands. The feeling of realizing stitches were being made, knitting our lives together.

I struggle with wanting to know right now every plan that is store for these children and my life. However, a lesson worth learning is that patience and faith are old friends with time. More often than not in my life plans are revealed slowly. But oh how I ache for this:

 I may not be a mommy (to her or any of the children) and I don't know what the future holds but that was the moment that I knew this, this was meant to be.


Being in California has been a whirlwind so far! Besides people that live in other parts of the state/country, I have gotten to spend time with everyone I have hoped to and still have more time to go! I had a laundry list of things to take care of and am slowly but surely crossing things off:

Empty storage unit
Hold a "not quite an estate sale" sale 
Squeeze your nieces and nephews
Start visa process
Complete visa process
Arrange visits to Colorado/Missouri/San Francisco
Go to Colorado/Missouri/San Francisco
Send in the hard drive you broke during your first time using it
Re-register your car in preparation to sell it (turned into re-insure it, try and smog it, be told you have to drive it 150 miles, drive 150 miles, re-smog it, re-register it, give your brother in-law 5% commission for selling it for you because the process has worn you out thus far)
Sell car (less the 5% you now owe to your oh-so-kind brother in law)
See your father's play
Speak at CHOC Children's
Sell your Wii
File taxes
Speak to mom's class
Soak up a bit of Vitamin D
Spend a lot of time with those you love (ongoing, it will never be enough, right?)

My allergies are going crazy, that so far has been the only downside to my visit! 



I have sat down multiple times to share with you about how my last Sunday before heading to states to get a new visa went. Honestly, I just can't seem to describe the multitude of emotions that I felt that day. 

The pediatricians were able to come with us. They weighed, photographed and made a little chart for every child. 

After being seen by the pediatrician, they came and received their plate of food, squatted down and enjoyed it. 

Then we all hung out with one another. I shared with the children I have grown closest to that I had to leave but that I would be coming back and that every Sunday still they would be fed. Some of the younger ones cried, some of the older ones looked hurt. So I told them to count 5 Sundays and that is when I would be back... 

We took pictures, and held hands and hugged and hugged and hugged.

On my part there was a lot of laughter, too many tears and an indescribable moment of stepping back and taking everything in. All of the change, good and bad. All of the beauty interwoven with the pain. All of the hope that doesn't come without uncertainty. All of the proof that the more you give over of yourself in the service of the world (wherever you may be), the closer you come to understanding who you truly are...